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The Lost Days by Lily

Daria and Beavis & Butt-Head crossover. THIS WORK IS A WIP.

(INTRO)

INT. LAWNDALE - LANE HOUSE - JANE's ROOM

JANE and DARIA are sitting together on JANE's bed while she sketched.

DARIA: Did I ever tell you yet about Beavis and Butt-head?

JANE: (looks up, snickering) Beavis and Butt-head...?

DARIA: You don't believe me, don't you?

JANE: Are you sure you're not taking those coo-coo pills again? (gesturing with her hand towards her head)

DARIA: Again? You don't say...

JANE: Okay, hypothetically let's say I believe you.

DARIA: So, hypothetically, they were fellow students of Highland I knew. Beavis, who looked and acted the part of a twink was the blond one. Then there was Butt-head. He had brown hair, braces, and was the more dominant in their supposedly told friendship. Here in Lawndale that's called mental and occasionally physical abuse.

JANE: You think they'd be good for a comic relief character? (makes an 'o' shape with her mouth before going back to normal) Hypothetically speaking of course, Morgendorffer.

DARIA: You think?

JANE: Nuh-uh-uh! (wags her finger mockingly) You would ask if I think it hypothetically.

DARIA: (furrows her eyebrows, pursing her lips, monotone) If I had a gun, I'd be out of bullets right now. Hypothetically.

JANE: (laughs) Anyway, what were you saying?

DARIA: (continues) They had this dumb nickname for me. They called me "Diarrhea".

JANE: They probably had a little chant, too. But, Daria, you seriously expect me to believe that they exist?

DARIA: (narrows eyes) Fine, I'll prove it. Let's go to Highland.

JANE: (smiles, quirking an eyebrow) Road trip? Now you're speaking my language.

INT. LAWNDALE - MORGENDORFFER HOUSE - DARIA's ROOM

JANE: So... when do we go?

DARIA: Well, we'll bring an extra change of clothes and make a run for it.

JANE: (playful) Stripped naked if we have to. DARIA: Then, you tell Trent to make an excuse for me. JANE: As if he'll be up now. QUINN: (listening to their conversation, breathing heavily, in the hallway) DARIA: (deadpan) Oh, Quinn... come out, come out, wherever you are! QUINN: (runs into the room) Oh thank god! I think my pants were, like, getting wrinkles in them or something. JANE: What's the stitch? QUINN: (nervous) There is no stitch! (looks at DARIA) Daria, tell your artsy friend to stop being all weird and stuff. DARIA: Spill it, or your dresses are out the window for the unfortunate. QUINN: I don't even wear those! They are so vintage! (regrets saying that) Okay, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation... Daria Morgendorffer, sneaking out? Who even are you? DARIA: (deadpan) What you Fashion Nazis would call a rebel. QUINN: (shocked) Nazis!? Daria, we're not Nazis. I'm not even German! JANE: (amused) She meant Fashion Fascists, Quinn. QUINN: Oh. Well, I want in on this road trip. DARIA: We're going to see Beavis and Butt-Head. (skeptical) And why should we let you come? QUINN: (slightly excited) Them? Finally, the guys here in Lawndale are getting so boring. I need to spice it up. They totally were in love with me! They fought over me! (sighs dreamily) JANE: Are we talking about the same people? DARIA: Great, now it's a party. JANE: Alright, let me go tell Trent and get my jammies. QUINN: Jammies? (raises an eyebrow) JANE: (jokingly) Exquisite attire for moonlight. QUINN: Oh! I should get my stuff too! (dashes off to her room) INT. LAWNDALE - LANE HOUSE - TRENT's ROOM JANE: (pokes TRENT) Trent. TRENT: (half-awake) Oh, hey Janey. What's up? JANE: Me and Daria are going off on a very important trip. If the Morgendorffers ask, it's for a school project. There's pizza in the fridge. Trent: Cool. Stay safe. (grabs his guitar, strumming it gently) Pizza in the fridge... I'm on the edge of the bridge.. JANE: Thanks for the enthusiasm, Trent. (walks out) (COMMERICAL BREAK. QUINN running into DARIA's room) DARIA: (waiting outside, holding a duffle bag) QUINN: (runs outside, with her pajamas from 'Lane Miserables', her outfit from 'Mart Of Darkness', and a bunch of scrunchies and other items that are necessary, pouring them into the bag that already contained a pair of jeans, her wallet, and DARIA's pajamas from 'My Night At Daria's' because QUINN suggested it) DARIA: What do you need all this for? It's only a day. QUINN: I might fall asleep in the car, Daria! Think! (runs off to grab her makeup) DARIA: (sarcastic) Not on the wheel you won't. (deadpan) Oh great, I'm taking to myself again.. JANE: (walks up to DARIA) Did you emphasis that we are sneaking out? (playful) Also you seem to have entered the next stage of loneliness; losing your sanity and talking to yourself. (holding her pajamas from 'Lane Miserables', and her regular lipstick, and her wallet) DARIA: No. Figured it was common sense. Luckily, Mom and Dad are at work. JANE: Well, does she have makeup remover? (puts her stuff in the bag) QUINN: Jane! Hey! (shows her lipsticks) You like any of these? Your Rich Rosewood is too blunt and misleading. JANE: Misleading? Misleading what? But that Burgundy is nice. (points) QUINN: (passionate, putting the makeup in the duffle bag) I know! You are like so Brick Red! Those pale shades perfectly match your complexion, trust me. JANE: I see. DARIA: (sighs heavily, on the verge of dropping the bag) JANE: (notices) Um, Quinn, let's get going. QUINN: (realizes) Oh yeah! Sorry, Daria... (tries unlocking the door of the Jake's Lexus) DARIA: (zippers the bag up, putting it down) DARIA: (takes the keys out of her pocket, unlocking the vehicle) QUINN: (enters the backseat) JANE: (sits in the passengers' seat) DARIA: (shoves the bag next to QUINN) Quinn, you keep an eye on the bag. This is everything we have. QUINN: (putting on her seatbelt) Yeah, whatever.. DARIA: (sits in the drivers' seat and gets on the road) ('Bitter Sweet Sympathy' by The Verve plays subtly in the background) INT. OUT OF LAWNDALE - ON THE HIGHWAY QUINN: (her leg on top of the other, disappointed) So, last time I remember there wasn't any malls in Highland... JANE: (nonchalant) Mhm.. QUINN: (angry) Jane! You're not even listening to me! JANE: (annoyed) Okay, so there wasn't any malls in Highland... boo hoo cry me a river! Get to the good part. QUINN: (stressed) Daria! Make her stop! DARIA: (deadpan) Quinn, I'm afraid if I used my secret method — she would be in the hospital and you would be visiting me in jail... as long as I am given good clothes, at least. JANE: (mocking) Which I highly doubt. QUINN: (upset) Ugh! Stop with your weird snarky stuff, it's giving me a freaking headache! (places her hands on her head) JANE: (infuriated) Alright, and you're giving me a headache, damn it! DARIA: (mad) I'm trying to drive and you two won't stop talking! You're giving me a migraine, God! It's times like this that I wish I had no friends and was an only child, again. QUINN AND JANE: (shocked) Hey! DARIA: (rolls her eyes, making a sharp turn) Fine, I take it back. JANE: (smiles, calmer) So, Quinn, tell me about your stories from Highland. QUINN: (a little reluctant) Okay, there was this one time... (as Quinn begins to speak, the scene shifts, and the sounds of the highway fade away) INT. HIGHLAND - A PARK - DAY QUINN (V.O): Yeah I was like swinging on the swings and stuff and then this boy comes up to me. (we see a 8 year old QUINN wearing a white shirt with ruffled and bell bottoms swinging on the swings in a park, while DARIA reads on a bench) BOY: (walks up to her, about 10) JANE (V.O): What'd he look like? QUINN (V.O): He has like blonde hair or whatever. He's kind of cute. (louder) He's wearing these dumb black shorts in the middle of fall, mind you! He also has a tank top on. And it was like so chilly! (shudders) BOY: (shy) Hey, uh, can I sit next to you? QUINN: (smiles, blushing a slight shade of pink) Sure.. (mumbles) BOY: (sits on the swing next to her) I'm... DARIA (V.O): (jokingly) I swear, Quinn, if you say his name was Beavis, you'll never see daylight again.. QUINN (V.O): Do you like him or something!? DARIA (V.O): No. I'm saying this because his name was Jeffrey. QUINN (V.O): And now would YOU know? You were being all geeky on that gross bench. Ew!! JANE (V.O): I must admit, Daria has quite the memory for her age. DARIA (V.O): (deadpan) I guess I now am Albert Einstein's great, great, great, great granddaughter, too? QUINN (V.O): But wasn't Beavis there? Anyway... BOY: I'm Jeffrey. (smiles) QUINN: (giggles) I'm Quinn. What are you doing in that tank and shorts? They look so shabby! Gee, you should wear a black T-shirt, a gray jacket over it, and a pair of denim jeans. It would look so much more fashionable! JEFFREY: (surprised) Really? You must be some fashion goddess... (looks at her in admiration) DARIA (V.O): (annoyed) He did not say that! QUINN (V.O): You like him now? You seem to have a type. Strange and fashionably clueless blondes. Oh and they're usually dumb. DARIA (V.O): (mutters) Please kill me now.. — I just don't think it's fair you're lying to Jane. He like laughed or something and went... JEFFREY: (with DARIA's voice) Um okay. Wanna meet me at the sandbox? (points to the sandbox, where a young BEAVIS is getting buried by a young BUTT-HEAD) JANE (V.O): (playful) Do you really want me to dye my hair blonde that bad, Daria? DARIA (V.O): (caring) Jane, you're not dumb. JANE (V.O): (defensive) Then why is my average a C-? QUINN (V.O): (annoyed) Stop getting all moody! DARIA (V.O): (deadpan) And people tell me I'm emotionless. QUINN (V.O): (remorseful) I mean... You're very smart and talented, Jane. And you shouldn't compare yourself to a bunch of UGLY guy bimbos. Sorry. QUINN: (cheerful) Sure! (sees BEAVIS and BUTT-HEAD) Haha, look at them! They're so dumb! What's the brown haired one doing burying the blonde? Who does that!? JEFFREY: (agreeing) Yeah, they're like so dumb. Idiots. QUINN: (laughs) You're funny, Jeffrey. JANE (V.O): (curious) Wait, are Jeffrey and Jeffy the same person? QUINN (V.O): (amused) No, what makes you think that? Didn't you hear me? Jeffrey's blonde. And from Highland. JANE (V.O): (chuckles) You know... similar names. QUINN (V.O): Yeah so like I get off the swings and Mom's lecturing Daria about interacting with other kids. So she also goes to the sandbox, and starts... QUINN: (gets off the swings, following JEFFREY) HELEN: (to DARIA) Honey, you need to hang with kids your age. DARIA: (monotone) They make fun of me, Mom. Then they run off. HELEN: (comforting) Just try. (kneels down, placing her hands on DARIA's shoulders reassuringly) You got this, sweetie. (looks at DARIA's book) Hm, they might like that. I loved books as a kid. Your father did too, you know. (smiles) DARIA: (shyly grins, walking slowly over to the sandbox) JANE (V.O): (faux fear) What'd she do...? She killed them, didn't she? QUINN (V.O): (laughs) What? No! DARIA: (sits silently in the sand) BUTT-HEAD: (annoyed, with DARIA's voice) Hey, you're like sitting on Beavis' tummy. Uh-huh huh huh. DARIA: (poker face) Okay. (sits up, moving to a corner) BEAVIS: (with QUINN's voice) Butt-head, uh, I'm eating the sand. M-heh Heh heh heh. BUTT-HEAD: Shut up, buttknocker. Huh huh huh. BEAVIS: (angry) You son of a bitch! (gets up from the sand and begins attacking BUTT-HEAD) QUINN (V.O): So then they are fighting, like usual. I sit down, and so does Jeffrey. And he's talking about toy cars or something. I don't know, I wasn't listening. JANE (V.O): (confused) What the hell do you mean by like usual!? (COMMERICAL BREAK. QUINN from the flashback swinging) QUINN (V.O): You wouldn't get it, Jane. Anyway, he sees them fighting and says... JEFFREY: (entertained) Woah. That's cool. HELEN: (concerned) Girls, we should get going. I have some shopping I need to get done. QUINN: (whiny) Muh-om! I'm not done! (kicking feet, getting sand up DARIA's nose) DARIA: (sneezes, rubbing her nose) Yeah, Quinn, we should get going.. (stands up) QUINN: (angry, stands up) Fine... DARIA (V.O): If it weren't for them, we would have still been there. JANE (V.O): (playful) The only time Young Daria listened to her mother. How sweet. QUINN (V.O): More like the only time at all. DARIA (V.O): I hate you. QUINN (V.O): Okay then like Jeffrey stands up too... JANE (V.O): (deadpan) Then he stalked you, right? DARIA (V.O): (deadpan) She wishes. JEFFREY: (stands up, grabbing QUINN's arm and pecking her cheek) BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD: (stop fighting) Woah. (their eyes widen) (The flashback ends) JANE: (anxious) Daria? DARIA: (monotone) Yes...? JANE: (blurts, quickly) I have to go pee really badly or else I'm gonna piss myself! (silence fills the car's atmosphere) QUINN: (giggles erupted from her pursed lips momentarily, her tittering muffled from QUINN trying to hold it in) JANE: (smirks, mimicking SANDI GRIFFIN) Gee, Quinn, who knew a fashion diva like yourself, could be so... childish and immature, when it comes to the sound of one's chortle. QUINN: (crosses her arms, her lips curled tightly into a frown while her eyebrows pinched, yelling) I am not childish! I am more mature than you at least, Jane! JANE: Says who? Trent? DARIA: (ignores them, seeing a gas station ahead) Oh look, coincidentally there is a gas station up ahead. JANE: (cheers, raising her fists, mocking) We've been saved! QUINN: (still upset and offended) Who's we? JANE: (deadpan) Me, myself, and I. Oh, and my best friend; bladder. QUINN: (sarcastic) You mind as well ditch Daria for them. DARIA: (we see DARIA smile gently, as she parks at the gas station)